February Part 2

So years ago I wrote about making new friends...okay, it was only 3 weeks ago, but it feels like longer. How have you been doing at making new friends? In my own experience, I am doing pretty well. I have been talking to people I normally wouldn't and have been trying to establish better relationships with the people I live with and the people I go to class with. I must point out that it is a slow process and it takes energy and investment to establish friendships, but it is so worth it!

Now that we all have had some time to try to make more new friends, I now want to spend these last days of the month focusing on keeping our old friends. Many times we get so busy and caught up in our own lives that we take the people around us for granted. Let's be honest, we take them REALLY for granted. The emails, texts, phones messages saying "Let's do lunch, we need to catch up!" are easily forgotten or returned with empty responses like, "Yes we do! Maybe nest week?" But next week comes and goes and before we know it, its weeks or even months later and we still haven't caught up.

How depressing is that?

We need to not only be intentional with our new friends, but also with our existing relationships because one of the key factors in relationships is shared time and experiences. Most of us would be very adamant about how blessed we are with great family and friends, but do our time and actions reflect that belief? Usually not. The first that you can do to be proactive about sustaining current friendships is to make serious plans. Do not throw around empty promises. When someone says to you, "let's catch up" (or when you say it to someone else) set up a meeting right then. If you don't, chances are it won't happen!

You can also make time for shared hobbies. If you like playing guitar, going to coffee shops, or love tennis find the friends that love to do those same things and do them together. Or, if you're a student, chances are you spend a lot of time doing homework--so find a study group! I know these seem sort of obvious, but some times we overlook the simple ways to keep in touch.

If you have friends who don't happen to be geographically convenient, you can still keep in touch through phone calls, emails or encouraging notes/letters. That's right, I said letters (its that thing where you have a piece of paper and pen and take the time to write to someone) Its a lost art, but you can really make someone's day by handwriting something. Plus, who doesn't love to get mail? :)

If none of these work for you, than find your own way to build on and deepen existing relationships in your life. We are constantly being shaped and molded by those we choose to surround ourselves with, so make sure you are taking the time and putting in the effort to surround yourself with wonderful people and invest your time in true friendships.

Love and peace,

Trin

February - Make New Friends and Keep the Old

For the first 19 year of my life, I didn't have to make friends. The people I graduated high school with were the same people I sat next to in my Kindergarten class-I grew up in that kind of town and I never moved. When I went off to college, I was lucky enough to have three of my best friends there with me. Then after my first year, I transferred to a different school. For the first time in my life, I actually had to try to make friends.

We are relational beings-its woven into our DNA. So this month, I want to focus on forming new relationships while trying hard to improve on existing ones. To begin, we'll work on only the first part. The first thing I think can be done is simple-make new friends. Okay, so maybe its not that simple. But I think it can be. Just like last month, I think this month will require a fair amount of comfort zone demolition--especially for those who aren't social butterflies.

The one thing you MUST do to make new friends is talk to people. You can't expect to build any type of new relationship without saying a peep. Now I know that there are many excuses for not talking to people-I was in a rush, I don't have anything to say, its awkward...the list goes on. Well, get over it. Talking to people should be one of the easiest things we can do since, gasp, we are all just people. So that is my first piece of advice for building a new relationship-talk to someone.

Okay, now what do you say? For starters, "hello" can come on very handy. Asking people generic questions about how they have been or what they have been up to can open many doors to other subjects too. Believe it or not, people love themselves...quite a bit. So, when you really feel like you have nothing else to say ask a question that'll require the person to talk more about themselves. Like "what's your major?" or "why did you brought you to this company?".

When trying to make a new friend, its best to start with people you see on a more regular basis. Trying to make friends with "that one guy who worked at that grocery store" doesn't give you the best odds. There are people around us everyday that go overlooked. Whether its someone we see all of the time at work or someone who is in one of our classes, the regulars give common ground to work with. From there, be frequent and consistent in engaging with them (but its also important to not be a creeper). Within the confines of a work or school environment, it should become comfortable and easy to talk to him or her. When this happens, its time to branch out and try to spend time with that person outside of the comfortable environment. Scary, I know, but the common thread among any friends is made mostly of shared experiences.

Maybe you think that you have enough friends. Honestly, though, there is no such thing. The beauty of humanity is that each person is completely unique and unlike any other you've ever met. Which also means that YOU are completely different from anyone that others have met. That's a good feeling. Each person you meet, engage with, learn about and eventually befriend will be able to offer you a perspective you'll never find in any of the other 6 billion people. It may seem like I am exaggerating, but its because I want you to understand the magnitude of what I mean. The fact that people are unrepeatable means that there is an endless amount of possibility all around us. Your current friends can only offer you so much-there is more treasure to be found in others!

People are fantastic and you should want to meet them. You should be excited to talk to acquaintances strangers. You should try hard to learn about people and hope that you get to take a sliver of each person with you so that you might be able to grow and deepen your understanding of this world. Our personal views and experiences of this life are extremely (extremely!) limited, which should stir in us a desire to see, as best as we can, through the eyes of others.

For the beginning of February, make a new friend. Maybe there is a person you've always wanted to talk to, but never did. Maybe you happen to always see the same person on your lunch break, who knows. The point is that you should put in the effort to try. Again, this is supposed to be a personal thing for anyone who so happens to attempt. So personalize it to your situation. But if you honestly try and put in the time throughout the month, you should have a pretty good new friend by the end of the month.

For those who are skeptical (or just have a bad attitude!): Galileo Galilei once said "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him". Apply this to all who you meet and use the open-mind you have from January to expand your friend base :)

Peace and love,

trin