For the first 19 year of my life, I didn't have to make friends. The people I graduated high school with were the same people I sat next to in my Kindergarten class-I grew up in that kind of town and I never moved. When I went off to college, I was lucky enough to have three of my best friends there with me. Then after my first year, I transferred to a different school. For the first time in my life, I actually had to try to make friends.
We are relational beings-its woven into our DNA. So this month, I want to focus on forming new relationships while trying hard to improve on existing ones. To begin, we'll work on only the first part. The first thing I think can be done is simple-make new friends. Okay, so maybe its not that simple. But I think it can be. Just like last month, I think this month will require a fair amount of comfort zone demolition--especially for those who aren't social butterflies.
The one thing you MUST do to make new friends is talk to people. You can't expect to build any type of new relationship without saying a peep. Now I know that there are many excuses for not talking to people-I was in a rush, I don't have anything to say, its awkward...the list goes on. Well, get over it. Talking to people should be one of the easiest things we can do since, gasp, we are all just people. So that is my first piece of advice for building a new relationship-talk to someone.
Okay, now what do you say? For starters, "hello" can come on very handy. Asking people generic questions about how they have been or what they have been up to can open many doors to other subjects too. Believe it or not, people love themselves...quite a bit. So, when you really feel like you have nothing else to say ask a question that'll require the person to talk more about themselves. Like "what's your major?" or "why did you brought you to this company?".
When trying to make a new friend, its best to start with people you see on a more regular basis. Trying to make friends with "that one guy who worked at that grocery store" doesn't give you the best odds. There are people around us everyday that go overlooked. Whether its someone we see all of the time at work or someone who is in one of our classes, the regulars give common ground to work with. From there, be frequent and consistent in engaging with them (but its also important to not be a creeper). Within the confines of a work or school environment, it should become comfortable and easy to talk to him or her. When this happens, its time to branch out and try to spend time with that person outside of the comfortable environment. Scary, I know, but the common thread among any friends is made mostly of shared experiences.
Maybe you think that you have enough friends. Honestly, though, there is no such thing. The beauty of humanity is that each person is completely unique and unlike any other you've ever met. Which also means that YOU are completely different from anyone that others have met. That's a good feeling. Each person you meet, engage with, learn about and eventually befriend will be able to offer you a perspective you'll never find in any of the other 6 billion people. It may seem like I am exaggerating, but its because I want you to understand the magnitude of what I mean. The fact that people are unrepeatable means that there is an endless amount of possibility all around us. Your current friends can only offer you so much-there is more treasure to be found in others!
People are fantastic and you should want to meet them. You should be excited to talk to acquaintances strangers. You should try hard to learn about people and hope that you get to take a sliver of each person with you so that you might be able to grow and deepen your understanding of this world. Our personal views and experiences of this life are extremely (extremely!) limited, which should stir in us a desire to see, as best as we can, through the eyes of others.
For the beginning of February, make a new friend. Maybe there is a person you've always wanted to talk to, but never did. Maybe you happen to always see the same person on your lunch break, who knows. The point is that you should put in the effort to try. Again, this is supposed to be a personal thing for anyone who so happens to attempt. So personalize it to your situation. But if you honestly try and put in the time throughout the month, you should have a pretty good new friend by the end of the month.
For those who are skeptical (or just have a bad attitude!): Galileo Galilei once said "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him". Apply this to all who you meet and use the open-mind you have from January to expand your friend base :)
Peace and love,
trin
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