March - Find a Passion or Hobby

Okay, so I have been seriously lacking on the blog updates...

My Better Yourself 2010 topic for this month is find a passion/hobby. I think this is a great topic for March because we are finally getting settled into the year--its really starting to feel like 2010!

Everyone needs something to keep them sane. So this month I want to focus on finding what really makes you happy. It may seem like you don't have time for a hobby, but trust me, you do. When you take a second to examine how you use your time, you'll realize that you waste quite a bit of time. So the goal here is to take that time and turn it in to something constructive. Notice how I used the word "constructive"--that is where the challenge comes in!

I know its already halfway through this month, but some time is better than no time.

Honestly, this is probably the easiest month! You know what you love, so make time for it and do it :)

I'm in the process of finding some of mine, so I'll follow up soon...ish!

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”--Howard Thurman

Love and peace,

Trin

February Part 2

So years ago I wrote about making new friends...okay, it was only 3 weeks ago, but it feels like longer. How have you been doing at making new friends? In my own experience, I am doing pretty well. I have been talking to people I normally wouldn't and have been trying to establish better relationships with the people I live with and the people I go to class with. I must point out that it is a slow process and it takes energy and investment to establish friendships, but it is so worth it!

Now that we all have had some time to try to make more new friends, I now want to spend these last days of the month focusing on keeping our old friends. Many times we get so busy and caught up in our own lives that we take the people around us for granted. Let's be honest, we take them REALLY for granted. The emails, texts, phones messages saying "Let's do lunch, we need to catch up!" are easily forgotten or returned with empty responses like, "Yes we do! Maybe nest week?" But next week comes and goes and before we know it, its weeks or even months later and we still haven't caught up.

How depressing is that?

We need to not only be intentional with our new friends, but also with our existing relationships because one of the key factors in relationships is shared time and experiences. Most of us would be very adamant about how blessed we are with great family and friends, but do our time and actions reflect that belief? Usually not. The first that you can do to be proactive about sustaining current friendships is to make serious plans. Do not throw around empty promises. When someone says to you, "let's catch up" (or when you say it to someone else) set up a meeting right then. If you don't, chances are it won't happen!

You can also make time for shared hobbies. If you like playing guitar, going to coffee shops, or love tennis find the friends that love to do those same things and do them together. Or, if you're a student, chances are you spend a lot of time doing homework--so find a study group! I know these seem sort of obvious, but some times we overlook the simple ways to keep in touch.

If you have friends who don't happen to be geographically convenient, you can still keep in touch through phone calls, emails or encouraging notes/letters. That's right, I said letters (its that thing where you have a piece of paper and pen and take the time to write to someone) Its a lost art, but you can really make someone's day by handwriting something. Plus, who doesn't love to get mail? :)

If none of these work for you, than find your own way to build on and deepen existing relationships in your life. We are constantly being shaped and molded by those we choose to surround ourselves with, so make sure you are taking the time and putting in the effort to surround yourself with wonderful people and invest your time in true friendships.

Love and peace,

Trin

February - Make New Friends and Keep the Old

For the first 19 year of my life, I didn't have to make friends. The people I graduated high school with were the same people I sat next to in my Kindergarten class-I grew up in that kind of town and I never moved. When I went off to college, I was lucky enough to have three of my best friends there with me. Then after my first year, I transferred to a different school. For the first time in my life, I actually had to try to make friends.

We are relational beings-its woven into our DNA. So this month, I want to focus on forming new relationships while trying hard to improve on existing ones. To begin, we'll work on only the first part. The first thing I think can be done is simple-make new friends. Okay, so maybe its not that simple. But I think it can be. Just like last month, I think this month will require a fair amount of comfort zone demolition--especially for those who aren't social butterflies.

The one thing you MUST do to make new friends is talk to people. You can't expect to build any type of new relationship without saying a peep. Now I know that there are many excuses for not talking to people-I was in a rush, I don't have anything to say, its awkward...the list goes on. Well, get over it. Talking to people should be one of the easiest things we can do since, gasp, we are all just people. So that is my first piece of advice for building a new relationship-talk to someone.

Okay, now what do you say? For starters, "hello" can come on very handy. Asking people generic questions about how they have been or what they have been up to can open many doors to other subjects too. Believe it or not, people love themselves...quite a bit. So, when you really feel like you have nothing else to say ask a question that'll require the person to talk more about themselves. Like "what's your major?" or "why did you brought you to this company?".

When trying to make a new friend, its best to start with people you see on a more regular basis. Trying to make friends with "that one guy who worked at that grocery store" doesn't give you the best odds. There are people around us everyday that go overlooked. Whether its someone we see all of the time at work or someone who is in one of our classes, the regulars give common ground to work with. From there, be frequent and consistent in engaging with them (but its also important to not be a creeper). Within the confines of a work or school environment, it should become comfortable and easy to talk to him or her. When this happens, its time to branch out and try to spend time with that person outside of the comfortable environment. Scary, I know, but the common thread among any friends is made mostly of shared experiences.

Maybe you think that you have enough friends. Honestly, though, there is no such thing. The beauty of humanity is that each person is completely unique and unlike any other you've ever met. Which also means that YOU are completely different from anyone that others have met. That's a good feeling. Each person you meet, engage with, learn about and eventually befriend will be able to offer you a perspective you'll never find in any of the other 6 billion people. It may seem like I am exaggerating, but its because I want you to understand the magnitude of what I mean. The fact that people are unrepeatable means that there is an endless amount of possibility all around us. Your current friends can only offer you so much-there is more treasure to be found in others!

People are fantastic and you should want to meet them. You should be excited to talk to acquaintances strangers. You should try hard to learn about people and hope that you get to take a sliver of each person with you so that you might be able to grow and deepen your understanding of this world. Our personal views and experiences of this life are extremely (extremely!) limited, which should stir in us a desire to see, as best as we can, through the eyes of others.

For the beginning of February, make a new friend. Maybe there is a person you've always wanted to talk to, but never did. Maybe you happen to always see the same person on your lunch break, who knows. The point is that you should put in the effort to try. Again, this is supposed to be a personal thing for anyone who so happens to attempt. So personalize it to your situation. But if you honestly try and put in the time throughout the month, you should have a pretty good new friend by the end of the month.

For those who are skeptical (or just have a bad attitude!): Galileo Galilei once said "I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him". Apply this to all who you meet and use the open-mind you have from January to expand your friend base :)

Peace and love,

trin

Better Yourself - January Wrap Up

With all of these posts concerning my NY trip, it may seem as though my "Better Yourself" series has been lost...this is not the case! I have been working toward a more open mind every single day and I hope you have too.

With January at a close, I feel very accomplished. As I look back, I realize that you really do have to try to be open-minded. We let ourselves be shaped and molded into the person we are at this very moment. Open-mindedness is counterintuitive because we make our lives about a journey of self-discovery. And when we feel like we have found ourselves, that's it--we are the person we want to be. By nature, we form habits, take up hobbies, act and react all within the frame of what is "typical" behavior for "me".

But what can be learned from this open-mind experience is that we are never us...sounds ridiculous, huh? What I mean is that that only thing that binds us to we "are" is the boundaries we put on ourselves. We are amazing creatures with unlimited capacity for personality. Psychologically, physically, emotionally and spiritually we are always adapting and growing. It may sounds trite, but you can be whoever you want to be. I know you've heard that a lot, but I repeat it because I am pretty sure you don't believe it. The only thing you need in order to be able to change is the belief that you can.

The beauty of life is in our choices. So, if you want to try something or do something--do it!! No one besides yourself gets to decide who you are. Maybe somethings feel out of character for you, but its important to realize that those limitations are imposed upon us, not something we are born with--and that makes all of the difference. Don't let the others put borders around you and, more importantly, get rid of the limits you have set on yourself because I bet if you really sat down and thought about it, you would realize that your biggest bully is you.

If anyone has chosen to embark on this experiment with me, I am very glad to have you--everything is better when you are in good company. Also, if anyone has taken any of my suggestions (no matter which one, big or small, any variation) I would love to hear about your experience. Or if you haven't tried anything, but have any comments, ponderings or problems with anything I have said, I would also love to hear any of that. Throw it all at me because I am really trying to start something here and get people involved. You don't have to comment publicly on my blog or anything, you can email me at trinitymatthews@gmail.com. Or, if you know me or live nearby and would like to meet up for coffee or lunch, etc, I would also love that!! :)

One more thing!! My February post- Make New Friends, But Keep the Old- will be up tomorrow. Check it out and join me in the Better Yourself 2010 experiment. Tell your friends!!

Okay, enough desperate plugs :)

Peace and Love,

Trin